On My Mind: Finally, time for some jocularity

For many years, by this time I’ve created my annual column of updated Christmas carol lyrics. To explain for those who may have missed them in the past, I use this art form to poke fun at our society’s holiday dysfunction. I usually have fun coming up with the carols, and people tell me they enjoy them and even ask when the latest version will appear.

This year I just didn’t feel the urge to continue the tradition. But my spirits have been lifted of late by people letting me know they were wondering about this year’s installment, and by one person who actually suggested topics for me to parody.

I’m gratified, to say the least, and that gave me the spark I needed. So here goes, my Christmas frivolity for 2022.

To start off, how about an abridged version of “I Want Some Cryptocurrency for Christmas,” of course to the tune of “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”?

I want some cryptocurrency for Christmas,

Cryptocurrency is what I want.

But when I checked the value

And I saw that it tanked.

Now I can say that crypto

As a Christmas present stank.

Then there is “Sticker Shock,” to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”

Walking down the aisle

Of the local big box store,

I see that everything

Is costing so much more.

Everywhere I turn,

The prices are sky high.

So I have to trim my shopping list,

It’s enough to make me cry.

Oh, sticker shock, sticker shock,

It’s a sad, sad fact,

It is quite depressing,

All my credit cards are maxed.

Yes, sticker shock, sticker shock,

Is now a sad, sad fact,

It is quite depressing,

All my credit cards are maxed.

And how about just one more, “Will it Arrive for Christmas?” to the tune of “I’ll be Home for Christmas.”

“Will it arrive for Christmas?

The gift is in the mail.

But Bill DeJoy’s tried to destroy,

The Post Service without fail.

Will it arrive for Christmas?

We’ll just have to see.

But if not in time for Christmas,

Perhaps by February.

So there it is, my gift to you. And if by chance you appreciate these, I earlier collected the best of my past carols in the book “Almost Award Winning Christmas Carols: Holiday Hilarity” by Don Allison.”

Don Allison is an author, historian and retired editor of The Bryan Times. He can be reached at www.fadedbanner.com.